The holiday season can be
an extremely difficult time of year. Many of us can remember a time when we
lost sleep at the thought of having to deal with certain family members.
Because
holiday gatherings can be painfully stressful it is no wonder that every year
newspapers, magazines and television shows offer practical advice on how to
handle the stress of the holidays. However, a more beneficial approach might
be to encourage people to take a closer look at the powerful role family dynamics
plays in their lives.
Our families have had a significant impact on our lives, and when the relatives arrive for the holidays old wounds often come with them. The challenge for all of us is not simply to cope with the situation but to make an effort to understand the meaning behind our stress and anxiety. Gaining a clearer understanding of what affects us and why can go a long way to healing old wounds that most likely continue to affect us not only during the holiday season but in our personal and professional lives.
When going home for the holidays, it may be tempting to try and get from your parents the love, attention and validation you feel you might not have gotten in childhood. Unfortunately, you can't get from your family now what you didn't get when you were growing up. This doesn't mean that you can't work at having a good relationship with them. Instead of demanding more from parents, siblings and grandparents it may be time to expect less. Instead of trying to change your family, take time to explore your past behaviors, attitudes and feelings when dealing with your family. Make an effort to pinpoint what bothers you. You may find that there are patterns of behavior and personality traits that spill out into your relationships with friends, loved ones and co-workers.
So what can this self-awareness do for you? Well, it can help free you from the anxiety and stress you experience with your family. As the famous developmental psychologist, Eric Erikson, points out in his work on the psychosocial stages of human development, unresolved issues early in our lives dramatically change our development in later years. Awareness of your family relationships and an understanding of the role you play in the family can provide insight into how you interact with others. This can represent a substantial step in your effort to free yourself from old childhood patterns.
If you would like more information regarding this topic or if you would like to talk with a mental health professional about these issues, please call the Civilian Employee Assistance Program Counseling and Referral Service (CEAP C/RS) at (202) 433-0087 or outside the local dialing area you may use 1-800-995-9791.